– Bella, – it pronounced slowly. – do you know, what today day?
it is Monday?
It rolled eyes:
– Yes. Today Monday.
fourth number, – Grasping me for an elbow and opening out on pol-oborota, it specified on a large yellow placard, fastened on the door of sporting hall. There, by clear black letters the date of exhaust was written. Exactly in a week.
– Today fourth? June? Are you sure?
Nobody answered of them two. Alice with melancholy rocked a head, pretending, that off-tune, and Edvard raised an eyebrow.
– can not be! How did it happen? – I tried mentally to count off days back, but so not able to find out where time went away.
I felt so, as if earth
went away for me from – under feet. Week of stress, experiencing. by some incomprehensible for me appearance in the middle of all of my unhealthy zaciklennosti on time, it «my» time disappeared without trace. Time, taken me in an order in everything to understand, build plans, simply dissolved. My time outflowed.
And I was not ready.
Did not know how to
do it. How to say goodbye to Charley and Rene. with Dzheykobom. by my human existence.
I knew exactly, what I wanted, but it became suddenly awfully me terrible to get it.
In theory, I strongly,
even with impatience wished to exchange a death rate for immortality. Eventually, this was the unique possibility to remain with Edvardom forever. Besides, yet remained and fact that the enemies known and unknown us hunted on me. It did not follow me rassizhivat'sya without a rumour, helpless and delightfully appetizing, expecting, while anybody from these enemies will get to me.
In theory, all of it made sense.
In practice. to be a
man – unique, that I knew. The future seemed a large, dark precipice which I could not get to know on other side, not jumping in it.
Simple awareness of
today's date which was so obvious, that must be, I subconsciously forced it out of the ideas, compelled me to perceive expiration of term, to which I counted days, as date of shooting with impatience.
how, but I realized suddenly, that Edvard held the unclosed door of machine for me, Alice stirs about something from a back seat, and a rain drums on frontal glass. It seemed that Edvard had understood is I only present a body here; he did not even try to smuggle out of me from a reverie. Although, possibly, he and tried, but I did not notice.
we appeared at my house, where Edvard conducted me to the sofa in a living room and put next to itself. I was covered in a window, in thick grey haze, trying to find out where all of my resolution went away. Why zapanikovala I suddenly? I knew that a term outflowed. Why me did it frighten so?
I do not know how long he allowed me to look through a window in a complete quiet. But a rain already dissolved in darkness, when, eventually, even for him it became already too. He took my person in the cold hands and glanced the goldish eyes in my.
– does Can, soizvolish'
to say, what do you think about? I will get off from a mind before.
That could I say him? That strusila I? Suitable words was not so.
– For you lips pobeleli. Talk, Bella.
I breathed out deeply. How long did I detain breathing?
– the Today's date found me by surprise, – I whispered. – That be all.
He waited, his face agitation and scepticism affected.
I made an effort explain:
– I am not
sure that know how I must act. That to say Charley. how shall I say. as. – my voice stopped beating.
– It not concerning an evening-party?
– No, but thank you, that reminded me.
While he tried to read expression of my person, a rain increased after a window.
– You are not ready, – he whispered.
am ready, – immediately, I told a lie on habit. He saw me through, therefore I took a deep breath and laid out all of true.
– I owe.
are you nothing owe.
Naming reasons, I felt, as panic was reflected in my eyes:
it is Viktoriya, Jane, Kay is whoever it may be in my room.!
it is yet more strong reason, to wait.
it is senselessly, Edvard!
He stronger obkhvatil my person and began leisurely to talk:
it is Bella. None of us had a choice. you see that turned out from it. especially with Rosalie. We all fought, trying to reconcile oneself to with that we had to control. It must not happen with you. you will have a choice.
– I took your the choice already.
But you must not pass through it only because above your head hangs Sword of Damocles. We will look after about all of problems, and I will look after about you, – he swore. – When we will get through all of it, and you will force nothing, then you will be able to join in with me, if still will want it, but not because frightened. Nobody will not force you.
– Karlayl promised, – I mumbled, contradicting on habit. – After exhaust.
– not before, than you will be ready, – he said confidently. – And certainly not then, when you are so frightened.
I did not answer, did not want to argue. Seemed, at this juncture I had no confidence.
– see Here, – he kissed me bruteforce. – not about what to worry.
I crack began to the laugh:
– not about what, only about coming doomsday.
– Trust me.
– I trust.
He still looked at my person, expecting, when I, finally, will be weakened.
– do I Can to ask you about something? – I asked.
– About whichever.
I hesitated, biting a lip, and then set quite another question, in place of that which wanted.
– That will I compliment with Alice on exhaust?
He crushed down a breaking forth outside laughter:
– Well, looked so, as though you are a daryl us both tickets at concert.
– Exactly! – I felt such facilitation, that almost smiled. it is Concert in Takome. I saw announcement in a newspaper last week and thought, that would please you, judging to on that you lavished praise this disk.
it is the Excellent idea, thank you.
Hope that tickets out of yet not prints.
it is the Good idea. It
is necessary to find out.
– there Is yet something, about what you wanted me to ask, – he said.
– You are right.
– I had a lot of practice on reading of expressions of your person. Ask.
I closed eyes, hiding a person for him on a breast:
– You do not want, that I was a vampire.
No, does not want, – he said softly, a bit waited after.
it is a not question, – he prompted soon.
– That, I experience concerning that. why you so to it does behave?
– does Experience?
– He in surprise tore up the unique word from a context.
– will you say me why? All of true, being not afraid to touch my senses?
During a minute he hesitated:
will I answer your question, you will explain to me then, why you to me set him?
I nodded, still hiding the person.
Before to answer, he took a deep breath:
– For you all would be much better, Bella. I know that you trust that I have the soul, but I am not fully sure of it, and to risk your. – he slowly rocked a head.
– For me, to
allow you it – to allow to become you to that, by whom now there am I, only never to lose tebya– is the most selfish act which I can itself present only. I want it above everything, on your own. For you, I want much more. Added the egoism – it seems to me criminal. It will be the most selfish thing which I will do some time, even if will live always. If for me there was some method to become a man, for the sake of that, to be with you, not important, a price is which would be, I would pay it.
I sat motionlessly, overcooking said.
Edvard thought that behaved selfishly.
I felt, as a smile appears on my face.
– So. it not because
are afraid you, that after a change not able to love me similarly strongly, when will I leave off to be soft and warm, and you will not feel my smell? Do you indeed want to be with me, regardless of what I to the figure?
He breathed out sharply:
– did you
experience because you razonravish'sya me? – he demanded an answer. But, before I was able to answer him, he began to the laugh. it is Bella, for a timber-toe by the enough strongly developed intuition you sometimes are such muddle-headed!
I knew that it will
seem to him foolish, but, nevertheless, felt a facilitation. If he indeed wanted to be with me, I would be able to get through other. somehow. A word ‘selfish’ suddenly showed oneself such beautiful.
– I do not think
that you present, as far as easier it will become me, Bella, – he said, with the echo of humour in voice, – When I will not have to concentrate all of the attention on that, not to put to death you. Certainly, there will be things which I will miss on. For example, it.
He looked in my
eyes and stroked me on a cheek; I felt, as blood flowed, compelling my skin to be covered a blush. He began to the laugh gently.
– And knock of your
heart, – he continued, more in earnest, but still a bit smiling. it is the most remarkable sound in my world. My ear is so adjusted on him, that ready to swear, I will be able to distinguish him, even being in a few miles from you. But all of it does not matter. Here it, – he said, again taking my person in the hands. are you. Here, that I want to leave. you will always be my Bella, you will become a bit more lasting simply.
Reposing in his hands, I breathed and allowed the eyes to be closed from pleasure.
– Now will you answer my question? All of true, being not afraid to touch my senses? – he asked.
– I answered at once, from a surprise widely raspakhnuv eyes. What does he want to know?
He said of every word slowly:
– You do not want to become my wife.
My heart stopped, and
then began to the knock madly. A death-damp came forward on the back, and hands transformed in ledyshki.
He waited, attentively listening and looking after my reaction.
it is a not question – I whispered in the total.
He looked downward, his cilia cast aside long shade on cheek-bones, cleaned the hands from my person, to take my icy left arm. And said, playing with my fingers:
– do I experience concerning that, why you so to it behave?
I made an effort swallow saliva.
is also a not question, – I whispered.
– Please, Bella?
– True? – I asked, soundless moving lips.
– Certainly. I will be able to accept it, what it would not be.
I breathed deeply.
– You will laugh above me.
Shocked, he quickly looked me in eyes.
– to Laugh? I can not imagine it.
see Here, – I mumbled, and then breathed. In the sudden flash of despair my person from white became red.
– Well, it be ok! I am
sure that it will seem to you a joke, but it is actual tak.tak.tak it is ashamed! – I was Acknowledged, and again hid the person on his breast.
– does not understand.
aside a head back and covered on him, embarrassment compelled me to become aggressive.
– I am not such girl,
Edvard. Not that which marries right after completion of middle school, as some hick from a little small town, flying from the boyfrenda! Do you know, what will people think about? Do you realize, what on the court of eyelids? People are not married simply so in 18 years! Not foolish and irresponsible, but mature people! I not going to be the girl of such type! I not such. – my voice, losing an assertiveness, dwindled into nothing.
Mien Edvarda it was impossible to read, while he thought over my answer.
– That is all? – finally, he asked.
– is not it enough Really?
– That it quite not because you. anymore does want to find self immortality, than it is simple to be with me?
And then, I assumed although, that he will laugh, but exactly I became a that man which a hysterics happened at.
it is Edvard! – I pronounced, strangling between the attacks of laughter.
– Voobsche-to.ya.vsegda.dumala, chto.ty.namnogo.umnee me!
He pinned me to itself, and I felt that he laughed together with me.
it is Edvard, – I said, making some push, trying to talk more expressly, – there Is not sense in eternity without you. I would not wish to live without you and day.
– That, it became easy me, – he said.
– Nevertheless. while it changes nothing.
– But was healthy,
finally, all to know. And I understand all of reasons of your fears, true. But it would be very pleasantly me, if and you made an effort understand my.
that time I already poser'eznela and, rocking a head, made an effort not frown. When he looked the goldish eyes in my, his look became hypnotic.
See, Bella, I always was a just the same fellow. In my world, I
already was a man. I did not search love – no, I much stronger wished to become soldier. I did not think about anything, except for the idealized military glory which was promised future draftees – but, if I found. – he was silent, inclining a head on a side. – I going to say that, if I found «anybody», but it is a not that word. If I found YOU, I would not feel a not single doubt in regard to that, how I must act. I was a that fellow which, understanding that you exactly that, who I searched, would go down on one knee and made all pushes in an order to obtain your hand. And I would like to be with you always, even if at this word and there would not be such implication. – He smiled significantly.
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