twilight 3

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57	Stefani Mayer

    Can I will become such villain, that a covey will have to put to death me.
    He with conviction looked at me. – I pokalechu any of my brothers, who will make an effort attack you.
    – Thank you.
    He smiled hesitatingly. Frowned then. – But is not it dangerous really? It is talked in all of histories, that too heavily. they lose control. people die. – he swallowed.
    – No, I am not afraid of it. Dull Dzheykob – really do you believe in fairy-tales about vampires?
    Alike, he did not estimate my attempt to crack a joke.
    – All right, in any case, much from what it is necessary to experience. But it that costs, eventually.
    He nodded unwillingly, and I knew that he and close not agree with me.
    I fished out a neck, and began to the whisper him in an ear, snuggling up a cheek to his warm skin. – you know in fact, that I love you.
    – Know, – he breathed out, his hand mechanically closer obkhvatila me for a waist. – you know how I wished, that it appeared sufficiently.
    – Yes.
    – I always will wait you, Bella, – he promised, his tone polegchal and he released a hand from my waist. I stepped back from him with dull, oppressive sense of loss, feeling that part me unstucks, and remains here, on a bed next to him.
    – you will always have the second variant, it costs only you to want.
    I made an effort smile:
    – While my heart will not leave off to fight.
    He smiled in reply. – Know, think, that even and after able to accept you. If you will not be too strong to stink.
    – do I need to return to meet with you? Or better that did not I do it?
    – I will think and will answer, – he said. – it can me may need company, not to get off from a mind. Vampirskiy a surgeon talks super, that I owe fall down on a bed, while he will not allow to get up – that bones accreted correctly. – Dzheykob squirmed an ugly face.
    – Bud pain'koy and do everything, that advises Karlayl. you will put on weight rather.
    – Certainly, certainly.
    – Interestingly, when it will happen, – I said. – when a suitable girl will meet you on eyes.
    – not too hope on it Bella, – voice of Dzheykoba skis sharply. – although, for you it probably there will be a large facilitation.
    – Maybe, and can be and no. I will think probably, that it is not too good for you. Interestingly, as far as strongly I will suffer from jealousy.
    – On it amusing it will be to look, – he was acknowledged.
    – Give me to know, if will want, that I returned, and I will come, – I promised.
    With a sigh, he put me a cheek.
    I was bent and gently kissed him. – Love you, Dzheykob.
    He began to the laugh easily. – Love you yet stronger.
    He looked, as I went out from his room, with incomprehensible expression in black eyes
    

Chapter 27
Necessity

    
    I was unable to conduct a machine, and I did not succeed very far to leave.
    When my eyes lost ability to see, I simply allowed wheels to go down on the side of a road, and slowly sweeping, a machine stopped. Heavily going down on a seat, I allowed a weakness with which battled in the room of Dzheykoba, to lean heavily on me. All appeared worse, than I supposed – I did not expect that awareness all of happening so very will strike me. Yes, I was rights, when hid the state from Dzheykoba. Nobody must was see such.
    But one of me was not very much long – exactly so much, how many it may need Alice, to see me here, and a few minutes, that he had time to reach here. Squeaking, a door and Edvard was opened, taking me on hands, took away from a machine.
    Firstly it became only worse from it. Because little part me – little, but with every minute becoming all more wicked and more loud, yelled at me is hankered after the cuddles of quite another hands. And then there was new sense of guilt, and it dried up this pain.
    Edvard said nothing, simply allowed me to pour tears, while I did not begin through sobbing to repeat the name of Charley.
    – are you, true, ready to ride home? – he asked with a doubt.
    After a few attempts it was succeeded to reveal to him, that in the near time however me will become better. I need it was to reach home, till Charley will decide that already too late, and Billy will call.
    He drove me home – this bout, even close not getting around the top limit of speed of my pikapa – hugging me one-arm. All of road I tried to restrain a temper. At first, it showed oneself that it is useless to try, but I not give up. «A few seconds», – I persuaded itself. – it will be «Simply necessary once or twice to be sorry, or once or twice to utter a lie, and then I again will be able to break. I owe it to do».
    I prowled in the ideas, and hotshot searched additional reserve of force.
    My sobbing calmed down – I held them, but did not halt. Tears did not leave off to drop. I did not know that to do, to stop their stream.
    – Wait me above, – I said of, when we walked up to the house.
    He hugged me on a minute and disappeared.
    Entering in a house, I at once headed for a stair.
    it is Bella? – Charley called me, when I entered, from the ordinary place on a sofa.
    Nothing answering, I turned to him. His eyes became round scared, and he sprang to the feet.
    – That did happen? Dzheykob.? – he questioned.
    Angrily rocking a head, I tried to begin to speak:
    – With him all be well, with him all be well, – I answered a hoarse tanyphonia. With Jacob all was good and true, physically, namely it and flustered Charley presently.
    – But that did happen? – he grasped me for shoulders, uneasily looking on me the widely exposed eyes. – That did happen with you?
    Probably, I looked worse, than imagined.
    – Nothing, dad. I. simply must was talk with Dzheykobom. about something, it was difficult hardness. With me all fine.
    An anxiety calmed down, and replaced conviction.
    – And indeed was it so necessary exactly at this juncture? – he asked.
    – it is not Probably, dad, but I did not have a choice – time to choose came. Sometimes, happens so, that a compromise is impossible.
    He slowly rocked a head.
    – As did he react on it?
    I did not begin to answer.
    He looked a minute at my person, and then nodded. It was a sufficient answer.
    – Hope that you did not spoil his convalescence.
    – He puts on weight quickly, – I mumbled.
    Charley breathed.
    My self-control stuck to from the last forces.
    – I will be in the room, – I said to him, pulling shoulders and ridding of his hands.
    – Well, – Charley consented. Probably, he noticed an enhanceable water level which just about threatened to break forth outside already. Nothing frightened Charley more than tears.
    Blinded tears, stumbling at every step, I reached to the room.
    Appearing inwardly, I began to contest with fastening of the bangle, trying to take off him shaky fingers.
    – No, Bella, – Edvard whispered, seizing my hands. it is part you.
    He grasped me in cuddles, and sobbing with renewed strength broke through outside.
    My longest day, seemed, sprawled in endlessness. I reflected – whether he will make off some time.
    But, although night and wore on, it did not become worst in my life. I found calming in its endlessness, and I was not alone, it was my greatest comfort.
    Fear of Charley before the flashes of emotions, stopped him from that, to call to call on me, although I did not sit quietly – probably, he, as well as I, little slept in this night.
    My retrospect seemed unbearably clear tonight. I saw each the error, the least caused evil and offenses. I saw them all, little and large. Pain, that I caused Dzheykobu, inflicted Edvardu wounds, all was folded an exact heap from which I could not renounce or pass by.
    I understood that wronged, when imagined them two by magnets. It not Edvarda and Dzheykoba I tried to lay down together, it were two my halves, Bella Edvarda and Bella Dzheykoba. But they can not exist together, and I never needed even to try.
    I brought so much burning.
    In this night I remembered a promise which gave to itself by this morning – never again Edvard will see my tears from Dzheykoba Bleka. From this idea a hysterics, which scared Edvarda yet more, than my sobbing, began for me. But a hysterics passed exhausting itself.
    Edvard almost talked nothing, he had simply lied next to me on a bed and allowed me to spoil, inundate salt water, the shirt.
    All lasted longer, than I expected. To the little broken particle me, required a lot of time, to weep oneself. But, at last all made off, and I usnula devastated and exhausted. An unconsciousness did not bring a complete facilitation from pain, it was the simply stunned, dulled calmness, as from medications. An unconsciousness did my sufferings almost taken away, but all remained deeply into me. Even in sleep I knew it, and my pain helped me to decide on that I must was do.
    Morning almost changed nothing, all became not more clear, only slightly more tolerantly, I accepted everything as given. I understood intuitional, that every new tear always would give oneself up pain in my heart. These experiencing from now on will become part me. Time treats – so all talk. But it was however me, time will bring through me or not, only Dzheykobu it became better, only he was again able to be happy.
    When I woke up, I had been ready to the actions, no uncertainty. I opened eyes – at last dry – and met with his disturbed look.
    it is Hello, – I pronounced hoarsely. Cleared one's the throat, trying to clean out a throat.
    He did not answer. Looked at me, expecting continuation of sobbing.
    – No, I in a complete order, – I quieted him. – More such will not be.
    My words compelled him intently to look at me.
    – it is sorry me, that all of it was you to see, – I said. it is was dishonest in relation to you.
    He obkhvatil hands my person.
    it is Bella. are you sure? What did you choose correctly? I never saw, that you were so tormented. – on the last word his voice broke away.
    But I knew sufferings worse than these.
    I touched to his lips:
    – Yes.
    – does not know. – his eyebrows distorted. – If so very you, how can it be correct?
    it is Edvard, I know exactly without whom not able to live.
    – But.
    I negatively rocked a head.
    – You do not understand. you can take boldness or force and live without me, if so it will be needed. But I will be never able to go on such victim. I must be with you. Only so I will be able to live.
    He doubted still. To no purpose I allowed him to remain by past night. But he so needed me.
    – Can give me a that book? – I asked, specifying for his shoulder.
    He in confusion took eyebrows, but quickly gave me a book.
    – Again? – he asked.
    – Simply want to find this fragment. and to read, as it was expressed exactly. – I leafed over a book, quickly finding a necessary page. A corner on this page was often recurved and looked like a doggy ear, because exactly I was oftentimes stopped here.
    it is Cathie monster, but it talks something right. – I mumbled, and read quietly, mainly to itself:
    «If all of other will vanish, and he will remain – I will not yet disappear from life; if all of other will remain, but will not become him, an universe for me will appeal to nothing enormous and stranger, and I already will not be anymore by its part.» (*«Storm mountain pass» of E. Bronte, translation of N. Vol'pin)
    I nodded, again rather to itself. – I understand, what it talks about. And I know, without whom not able to live.
    Edvard took away for me a book and threw it through a room – with an easy blow it took a ground straight on my writing desk. He obkhvatil me hands for a waist.
    An easy smile lighted up his wonderful person, although experiencing wrinkled his forehead still. – Khitklif also has that to say, – he noticed. Edvardu does not need was a book, to quote. He pinned me nearer and whispered in an ear: – I can not live without life to my! I can not live without my soul!*
    – Yes, – I pronounced quietly. – About it I and talk.
    it is Bella, I will not be able quietly to look at your sufferings. Maybe.
    it is Edvard, it is not. I all is and so enough complicated, and I will have to live with this pain. But I know that I want, and that needs me. and now I going to do it.
    – That going we to do now?
    His little amendment compelled me hardly to smile, and I breathed:
    – We go to be seen with Alice.
    Alice already stood on lower step of porch, too impatient, to wait till us inwardly. Yet a bit and it, seemed, to start in dance, disturbed those news which, as it foresaw, I had arrived it to tell.
    – Thank you, Bella! – it began to the sing, it needed us to go out from pikapa.
    – Wait a little, Alice, – I warned it, lifting a hand and stopping its elated singing. – there will Be a few limitations.
    – I know, I know, I know. All is needed to organize, at the latest, to August, 13, and you have a right for a veto on the list of guests, and if I pereborschu with a scope, you will leave off with me to speak.
    – Oh, well. Then all right. you governed know.
    – not worry, Bella, all will pass ideally. Do you want to look the clothes?
    I had deeply to breathe in the pair of one times. «Only it was satisfied and happy», – I thought.
    – Certainly.
    Alice smiled complacently.
    – Khm, Alice, – I said, trying, that my voice sounded quite usually and workaday. – When did you have time to procure clothes for me?
    Probably, did not cost me it to talk. Edvard squeezed my hand.
    Alice already went to the house, heading for a stair.
    – so goes the world take away mass of time, Bella, – Alice explained. It answered somehow. evasively. – I want to say, I was not sure that all will be just like this, but certain possibility was present.
    – When? – I asked once again.
    – Understand, at Perrayn Bryuera whole turn, – it answered being on the defensive. – Masterpieces from fabric do not arise up for one night. If I did not look after beforehand, you would have to dress, some shirpotreb!
    So, alike, that I will not get a direct answer:
    – did Trudge, who?