twilight 3

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Eclipse

50

    Only at the very end, his voice gave out experiencing and pain.
    I never again will do him very. It will be purpose of my life, to do everything, that he anymore never looked at me such eyes.
    I was too unhappy, to ask, that there for problems. Now to me nothing it was needed.
    – Make a haste back, – I whispered in reply.
    He easily kissed me in lips and then disappeared in-field together with Setom.
    Dzheykob continued to stand in shade of trees. I could not exactly say that for expression it was for him on face.
    it is Bella, I hurry, – he said deafly. – Let, will make off everything quick.
    I swallowed, a throat had become dry suddenly, and I did not know whether able to pronounce a word though.
    – Let, talk and will finish.
    I breathed deeply.
    – I am sorry me, for that I am such spoiled, – I whispered. – I am sorry, for that I am such egoist. I would like never to meet you, not to cause you pain. I never again will not do it. I promise. I will stick to from you a little rather. I will leave from the state. And you anymore will never have to look at me.
    it is not very alike a not apology, – he noticed bitterly.
    I could not talk more loud, only whisper. – Say me, as all doing is correct.
    – And that, if do not I want, that you departed from me? That, if am I better, that you remained, it is egoism or not? Will not I understand, you that, try all doing is better for me?
    – It will help nothing, Jake. It was wrong to remain with you, when we both wanted raznogo quite. Will not become better. All only will be yet more sick for you. I do not want to scotch you. I hate it. – my voice broke away.
    He breathed. – Leave off. More nothing is needed to talk. I understood.
    I wanted to say him, as will me not seize him, but I bit the language. It also, will help nothing.
    Some time he stood quietly, looked in earth, and I battled with the desire to walk up and hug him. To quiet him.
    Then he heaved up a head.
    – Well, not you one is capable on self-sacrifice, – he said with a tear. – In this game can play two.
    – That?
    it is I and behaved not very much well. Complicated everything and to you, and to itself. It is needed it was to be not at the beginning seduced. But I and also caused pain you.
    it is my guilt.
    – can not allow to undertake you all of guilt, Bella. Or all of glory. I know how to atone the guilt.
    – About what, it, do you talk? – I was indignant. A mad fire in his eyes scared me.
    He gave a glance in the sunshine, and smiled me.
    – There down, to prepare serious battle. I do not think that it will be difficult to delete itself from a game.
    His words reached to my consciousness, slowly, one after one, and for me intercepted breathing. Nesmotrya, on all of my attempts to clean Dzheykoba from my life for keeping, I, to this second, did not imagine, as far as deeply it will stick a knife in me.
    – About, it is not, Jake! No, net-net-net. – I taratorila in horror. – No, Jake, it is not. Please, it is not.
    For me knees began to the tremble from fear.
    it is What difference, Bella? All will be, only, better from it. you will even nowhere have to depart.
    – No! – my voice became more loud. – No, Dzheykob! I will not allow you!
    – And as will you stop me? – he asked caustically, smiling, to be not too prickly.
    – Dzheykob, I plead with you. Remain with me. – I it was hardly did not fall down on knees, if could move.
    – Fifteen minutes, while will I skip zavarushku? That you, again able to elope from me, as soon as will decide that I out of harm's way? you banter probably.
    – I will not escape. I changed a mind. We will think of anything, Dzheykob. It is always possible to find a compromise. Not leave!
    – You lie.
    – No, does not lie. you know, I am not able to tell. Look me in eyes. I will remain, if will remain and you.
    His person became hard: – And will I be your best man on wedding?
    I was able nothing to object him, all that I could pronounce, it was: – Please.
    – I thought so, – he said, a person became quiet again, but light did not go out in eyes.
    – I love you, Bella, – he pronounced.
    – I love you, Dzheykob, – I whispered unhappy.
    He smiled: – I know it it is better, than you think.
    And Dzheykob turned, to go away.
    – Whatever, – I began to the cry to him after, a throat compressed from fear for him. – All that want, Dzheykob. Only not do it!
    He stopped, slowly turned to me.
    – does not think that you talk it exactly.
    – Remain, – I begged.
    He winded a head. – No, I leave, – he suppressed, deciding something. – But, I can give a fate to decide.
    are you about what? – I squeezed out.
    – I will have nothing to do specially – I will simply go and will do that can of all of the forces, for a covey, and to allow a case to decide. – he reaped shoulders. – If you and true will be able to convince me, that indeed want, that I returned, but not entreated simply unselfishly.
    – As? – I asked.
    – Can ask me, – he offered.
    – Return, – I whispered. How could he doubt in my intentions?
    He rocked a head, again smiling.
    – I meant not it.
    I may need a second to consider, what he talked about, and all the time he looked at me with such kind, that my answer knew beforehand. As soon as I all of it considered, I had fired, not reflecting, how many these words will be then me to cost:
    – will you kiss me, Dzheykob?
    His eyes widely opened up from a surprise, after narrowed suspiciously.
    – You blefuesh'.
    it is Kiss me, Dzheykob. Kiss and return.
    Upright in shade, he meditated, battling with itself. He already almost turned westward, to go away. Still looking far, he did one uncertain step in my direction, after second. Turned, to look at me, a doubt was in his eyes.
    I looked at him. I did not know that for expression hardening on my face.
    Dzheykob swung on heels, and then will jerk forward, three long jumps and between you and me there no longer was distance.
    I knew, he would take advantage of advantage, to information to him by this situation. I waited it. I stood not moving, closing eyes, hands are compressed in kulaks, when his hands touched my person and his lip my found, he kissed me insistingly, almost passing to violence.
    I knew, he had been angered, when his mouth felt my passive resistance. One hand moved me on the back of head, grasping me for hairs. By other hand, he rudely grasped me for a shoulder, shook me and pinned to itself. Moving downward, found my wrist and filled up itself on a neck. I left a hand there, my brush was still built in a fist, I was not sure, as far as able to go too far in the desire to leave him in living. All the time, his lips, smuschayusche soft and warm, tried to compel me to answer.
    As soon as he understood that I would not release a hand from his neck, he left my wrist, his hand was moved to my waist. His hot hand snuggled up to the skin on my back, he pulled me forward, firmly pinning to itself. On some moment, he left off to kiss me, but I knew, he not to calm down, while it will not get. He kissed me cheeks, line of jaw, went down downward on a neck. Releasing my hairs, filled up my second hand to itself on a neck.
    Both his hands were on my waist, and his lips found my ear.
    – You can better, Bella, – he whispered hoarsely. – you underestimate itself.
    I began to the tremble, when he bit soaking of my ear.
    – Yes, just like this, – he whispered. – Even one time, allow senses to break forth outside.
    I automatically negatively began to the shake a head, while one his hand did not return me on the back of head, and did not stop me.
    His voice again became caustic. – are you sure, what want, that I returned? Or do you want, that I perished?
    Malice on him swept through me, as a blow by a whip. It too – he did not battle honestly.
    My hands already were round his neck, so that I grasped his hairs, taking no the notice on pain in the broken joint, and made an effort push away him from itself.
    And Dzheykob did not understand me.
    He was too strong, to consider that my weak hands of pytayushiesya with a root to tear out hairs for him, tried to do him very. In place of malice, he imagined itself passion. He decided that I at last had answered him.
    Strangling from a reckless desire, he snuggled up the mouth to me, his fingers strongly snuggled up to the skin on my waist.
    Shove of fury, put my self-control out of action, his passionate unexpected answer disconnected him. If in actions Dzheykoba was only triumph, I am able would be to resist. But absolute defencelessness of his sudden gladness, broke my resolution, destroyed it. For all that, my lips moved with his lips, strange, so they moved never – with Dzheykobom I do not need it was to be careful, and he not nearly was careful with me.
    My fingers were tangled in his hairs, but now, I attracted him nearer.
    He was everywhere. A blinding sun painted my eyelids red, and this was a suitable color for passion. A heat was everywhere. I saw nothing and nobody, except for Dzheykoba. The little piece of reason, remaining for me, yelled me questions.
    Why did not I stop him? Yet worse, why did not I want, that he stopped? What did it mean? Why were my hands caressed by his shoulders and why I liked to feel, what they for him wide and strong? Why did it seem to me that his hands, and so too strongly pinning me against his body, pinned me it is not enough closely?
    Questions were foolish, because I knew an answer on them. I told itself.
    Dzheykob was rights. He was rights all the time. He was more than simply my friend. That is why, it was impossible, to say him forgive, because I loved him. Also. I loved him, it was permissible more than, and however enough it is. I loved him, but it it was not enough, to change something. It strengthened our sufferings only. It, only yet more scotches him.
    And I experienced no longer from what, only from his sufferings. I deserved the torments more than. I hoped that it will be very me. I hoped that will be stardat'.
    At this juncture, I felt, as if we were single whole. His pain always was and will be my pain – now his gladness, will be my darling. I was glad, and his happiness was with the admixture of pain. Almost perceptible is burned me as if by acid, slowly and painfully.
    On one short, endless second, completely another my way, opened before my water-wet tears eyes. As if I looked through the filter of ideas of Dzheykoba, I saw itself, saw exactly that, what I will be deprived, exactly knowing that this awareness will help me by nothing. I saw Charley and Rene, strange kollazh together with Billy and Sam in La Push. I saw how ran about years, as I stareyu. I saw an enormous krasno-korichnevogo wolf, my beloved, he always got up on my defence in a necessary minute. On the littlest fragment of this second, I saw the heads of two hurrying far dark-haired children, escaping from me in the acquainted forest. They disappeared, and my vision disappeared with them.
    Then, almost distinctly, I felt, as my heart raskalyvaetsya to pieces, a little piece broke away from whole.
    Our lips were still united. I opened eyes, Dzheykob looked at me gladly and surprised.
    – I need to go, – he whispered.
    – No.
    He smiled, content with my answer. it is I not for a long time, – he answered. – But yet something at first.
    He bent over to kiss me again, and there was not reason to resist him. What sense was herein?
    This bout, all was othergates. His hands softly held my person and his lips there were tender and unexpectedly timid. A kiss was easy and very much, very sweet.
    He twined about me hands, firmly hugged and whispered in an ear.
    – This must was be our first kiss. Better later, than never.
    Hiding a face him in a breast, that he could not see, my tears, I burst into tears
    

Chapter 24
the Sudden decision

    
    I lay, hiding a face a nose in a sleeping-bag, and waited just punishment. Let will heap up me an avalanche. As it would be successful. Never again I will give a glance on the reflection in a mirror.
    Edvard appeared quite soundless, as though arose out of from nowhere, and conducted a cold hand on my vsklochennym hairs. From his touch, I began to the tremble guiltily.
    – With you all be well? – worrying, he asked.
    – With me, all badly. I want to die.
    it is never happens. I will not allow.
    Beginning to the moan, I whispered:
    – You can change the decision.
    – Where Dzheykob?
    – Went away to fight, – I mumbled in the floor of tent.
    Dzheykob left our little camp with gladness. – I will return soon, – merrily skaza he to me, and began to the run towards the field, his outlines trembled already, as if he already going to grow into the second part it I. But now, all of covey knew already. Set Klirvoter, walking after a tent, witnessed my ignominy.
    Edvard was silent instant.
    – About, – eventually, he pronounced.
    Tone of his voice, compelled me pozhalet', that did not heap up me an avalanche. I attentively looked at him, his eyes looked somewhere far, he listened to that I, would die, but did not allow him to know. I again hid a face a person in a floor.
    And surprised, when Edvard smiled with restraint.
    – And I thought yet, that fight not on rules, – he said almost with envy. – And I, as compared to him, simply saint.
    He stroked me on a cheek. – I am not vexed on you, love my. Dzheykob much more insidious, than I thought. Although, better you did not ask him.
    it is Edvard, – I whispered in the rough nylon of sleeping-bag, so not heaving up a head. it is I. I. I.
    – more Quiet, more quiet, – he compelled to suppress me, his fingers touched my cheek gently. – I wanted to say not that. Simply, he would kiss you however, even not meet you in his trap. Now I do not have reasons to break up him a person. And I, would get mass of pleasure from it.
    – did Meet in a trap? – I mumbled, almost not understanding his words.
    it is Bella, really did you decide and true, that he is so noble? That will he burn out in flame of glory, to vacate me the place?
    I slowly heaved up a head, to meet his patient look. Expression of his eyes was soft. He was such understanding, and there was not in him no disgust which I deserved.
    – Yes, I and true, decided so, – I said quietly, and took a look. But I felt no spite on Dzheykoba, for his deception. My body is not able was to contain nothing, except for a hatred to to to itself.
    Edvard again began to the laugh softly: – you are such nekudyshnaya fibber, that ready to trust any, who tells hardly better, than you.
    – Why are not you angered on me? – I whispered. – Why do not you hate me? Or did you hear yet not everything?
    – Dumayu, I have the by fully volume impression, – he noticed quietly. – Dzheykob thinks very bright and living appearances. I feel with his covey, and to itself also. Poor fellow Seta, hardly not it vomited. But Sam now will drive Dzheykoba to senses.
    I closed eyes, and began to the shake a head, testing the strongest torments. Sharp nylon filaments, floor of tent, scratched me a skin.
    He petted me on hairs, and whispered: are you just man.
    it is the most pitiful acquittal, from all that I, some time, heard.