He laid me a hand on shoulders. – not experience, – urgently he asked and then kissed me bruteforce.
As if I was able not to worry.
– does Want, I will distract you? – he breathed out, touching the cold fingers of my cheek-bone.
to the tremble, a morning still had been frosty.
– Can better not now, – he to itself answered, taking away a hand.
– there Are another ways to distract me.
What do you offer?
Can tell me about your ten best nights, – I offered. – I am curious.
He began to the
laugh: – Make an attempt guess.
I negatively pomotala a head. are Too much nights which I know nothing about. Whole age.
it is I, specially for you, will decrease a term. All of my best nights happened, when I met you.
– Yes, true – I draw it mild.
I thought over a minute said.
remembered me only it, – I was acknowledged.
– They can coincide, – he heartened me.
Well, there was the that first night, when you remained.
– Yes, it and my, also. Although, in my favourite moment, you were without consciousness.
– Exactly, – I remembered. – And, also, talked in sleep.
– Yes, – he confirmed.
My cheeks pokrasneli
again, when I remembered that could say of, while slept in the cuddles of Dzheykoba. I did not remember exactly, that dreamed me, and whether something dreamed in general, prompts were not from this side.
– And what did I say in this night? – I whispered yet more quiet, than before.
He reaped shoulders, and I gave a start.
– All so badly?
– Nothing so terrible, – he breathed.
– Please, tell me.
– Mainly, you pronounced my name, all as usual.
it is not badly, – I noticed suspiciously.
– Although, nearer by the end, you began to mumble nonsense, something type: «Dzheykob, my Dzheykob». – I heard as very him, even to whisper such. – «Your» Dzheykobu it very pleased.
I fished out a neck,
trying to kiss Edvarda. I did not see his eye. He looked up, on ceiling of tent.
am sorry, – I pronounced quietly. – Simply, so I distinguish them.
– does Distinguish who?
– Doctor Dzhekila from Mr. Khayda. Togo Dzheykoba, which I like and it, which terribly enrages me, – I explained.
– something is Herein. – seems, I slightly quieted him. – Guess next night.
it is Flight home from Italy.
– to you it disliked? – I was amazed.
– No, this night, just
from my darlings, but I am surprised, what it got in your list. Really, did you shut out a that ridiculous idea, that I simply from sense of guilt behave so, and expected that stood only will take a ground an airplane, and I will simply elope from you?
– Yes. – I smiled. – But you, however, were there, next to me.
He kissed my hairs. – you love me more than I deserve that.
I laughed above this unreal idea.
Following in a list is night after Italy, – I continued.
– Yes, it is on my book. you were such funny.
– Funny? – I was offended.
– Even and could not imagine, that for you such colourful dreams. I whole eternity argued that you you do not sleep.
– And I still am not sure herein, – I said of. – you always seem to me a dream, but not reality. Now tell about the nights. Did I guess the first place?
– No. The first place is two nights back, when you at last consented to go out for me marry.
I squirmed an ugly face.
– In your list are not they included?
I remembered how he
kissed me, promise which was succeeded for him to tear up, and changed the opinion: – Yes. this night, also from my darlings. But, only with reservation. I do not understand why it is such important for you. you and so got me forever.
– Years, so, through one hundred, when you will have enough experience, indeed to understand my answer, I will explain to everything you.
– it is Necessary it
will be you to remind – in one hundred years.
– were you warmed? – he changed sharply theme.
– It is all right, to me warmly, – I quieted him. – Why did you ask?
Before he had time to
answer, a quiet after a tent was torn by terrible, complete bitter taste and pain howl. A sound srikoshetil from the naked rocky facade of mountain and filled all of space around, seemed, he had been reported from everywhere.
Howl, pierced my brain as tornado, acquainted and strange. Strange, because I heard never before, such unhappy cry. Acquaintance, because I knew voice – knew a sound and understood a value, uttered as if. There was no difference, that Dzheykob was not man, when he began to the cry so. I do not need were translators.
Dzheykob was close, he heard every our word, and now he suffered in agony.
A howl passed to the sobbing sobbing and all calmed down again.
I did not hear, as he eloped quietly, but I felt it. Felt his absence. When he was alongside, I did not attach a significance it, now felt clear, that emptiness, that he left leaving.
– patience ended For your heater, – Edvard explained quietly. – Truce made off, – he added, so quietly, that I was not sure, whether he said it in general.
– Dzheykob eavesdropped, – I whispered. This was not a question.
– You knew.
Covered, to nowhere, I noticed nothing around.
– I never promised to fight honestly, – quietly he reminded to me. – And he deserves to know a true.
closed a head hands.
– are you angered on me? – he asked.
– not on you, – I whispered. – I terrify itself.
– not tormented, – he implored.
– Yes, – I
consented bitterly. – it is Necessary to store forces and to torment Dzheykoba yet a bit. I do not want, that he suffered little.
– He knew that did.
– does Think, this is
important? – I smargivala tears, and easily it was to hear them in my voice. – does Think, I am important, that there honestly or not honestly, and was there he warned of it? I do him very. Each time turn to him, I hurt again. – my voice became more loud, isterichnee. – I am a terrible man.
Edvard hugged me closely. – No, it is a not true.
– am So! That with me such? – I contested with his hands, and he released me. – I must go and find him.
Bella, he already had time to escape on a lot of kilometres forward, and there coldly.
to Spit. I can not simply sit here. – sbrosi jacket of Dzheykoba, putting on shoes boots, I quickly broke a secret to the door, my feet fallen a dump.
– I need. I need. – I
did not know how to make off suggestion, did not know that to do, but however exposed lightning of tent, and got out on a bright, cold morning.
was less than, than I expected after a furious storm by past night. Probably simply blew away snow, but not kindled a sun which is low luminary from a southeast, a sunlight was reflected from snow and blinded me from neprivychki of eye. Air was frosty, but around there was a dead quiet and, slowly, all was warmed a rising all higher sun.
convolved on dry space, strewed dry coniferous needles, in shade of sickly fir-trees, a head is fixed on paws. His sandy wool, was almost unnoticeable on a dried-up pine-needle, but I noticed the bright reflection of snow in his opened eyes. He attentively looked at me, as it seemed to me, with conviction.
I knew that Edvard had
followed after me, while I hobbled to the trees. I did not hear him, but his skin in the sunshine cast aside the dancings iridescent specks of light, ahead of me. He did not try to stop me, while I did not deepen on the pair of steps in the forest.
His hand grasped my left wrist. He, let a pass, on my attempts to break forth.
– You can not follow after him. Not today. Time almost came already. Not important, that you think, but if you will be lost, it will help nobody.
I wrenched a wrist, senselessly trying to break forth.
– I am sorry, Bella, – he whispered. – I regret, that acted so.
– You did nothing. It is
my guilt. I did it. I did everything not correctly. I owe was. When he. It is needed it was. Ya.Ya. – I began to the sob.
it is Bella, Bella.
He hugged me, and my tears were absorbed in his shirt.
«I need it was. must was say emu.ya. to say. – ideas swept over in my head. But that did could all to correct?»
– He must not was know everything, whew.
does Want, I will make an effort return him, that you talked? Yet I am a little bit of time, – Edvard mumbled, low-spirited sufferings sounded in his voice.
I nodded, hiding a face in his breast, it was terrible me to look him in eyes.
– Remain at a tent, I will return soon.
disappeared. He went away so quickly, that literally after a second looking around, I did not see him. I remained in loneliness.
I sobbed again. Today I hurt all. Was there anything, that I deteriorated from my touch?
I did not know why
exactly now it was me from it so very. In fact I all of time knew it. But Dzheykob was never irresponsive so strongly, now he threw down all of the self-confidence and rotined the real pain. Sound of his agony, continued to be heard in my head, giving oneself up pain in a breast. And another pain alongside. Pain for that feel with sufferings of Dzheykoba. Pain for sufferings of Edvarda. For that I was not able quietly to look, as Dzheykob leaves, I knew in fact, that it is correct it is and so necessary.
I am an egoist, I bring people pain, I torment those, who love.
I as Cathie is in the
«Storm mountain pass», only for me a choice is better, than was for it, I do not have to choose between an evil or weakness. And I stand here and mourn that did, and do nothing, that all to change. Exactly as did Cathie.
could not farther allow the pain, influence on my decisions. It was too little, too late, but I must was act correctly. Maybe, it was already done for me. Edvard can not able to persuade him pridti back. And then I will accept everything, as a happening fact, and will begin to live the life farther. Edvard anymore will never see not a teardrop spilled from Dzheykoba Bleka.
And that, if Edvard will
be able to return Dzheykoba, then there will be all me to say him. To say, that he went away and never came anymore.
What was a difference
in? Why so hardness me to say goodbye with him? To say «forgive» my friends, Angela, and Mike it was simply, why here so very me? It is not correct. It must not scotch me. I got that wanted. I can not have them both, because it can not Dzheykob be simply other. It is necessary it was to say goodbye to this idea. As far as ridiculous can there avid be a man?
I need it was to forget this senseless sense, as though Dzheykob part of my life. He can not be next to me, can not be my Dzheykobom, because I belong to somebody else.
slowly shambling, returned on a little glade before a tent. When I went out there, blinking from strong light, I cast one short look on Seta, he did not move from the «bed» from a pine-needle, and turned one's away, not able to meet his look.
My hairs were tangled
and stuck out in different directions inaccurate strands, I looked like Jelly-fish Gorgon with snakes on a head. I made an effort hands smooth hairs, pound from it there was no. To whom, what business, how do I look?
grasped a flask, hanging next to included in a tent, and shook it.
In it something swashed, I had opened a disperser and taken a sip, to moisten a throat icy water. Somewhere alongside there must was be a meal, but I not too strongly wanted to eat, and did not begin to search. Began to measure a glade steps, all of time feeling on itself the look of Seta. I did not look at him, and he again in my presentation became a boy, but not giant wolf. He so looked like young Dzheykoba.
wanted to ask Seta to give me a sign (to bark or yet somehow) whether Dzheykob goes, but stopped itself. Not important, Dzheykob will return or not. Probably, it will be better, if will not return. I would like to be in a position to call Edvardu.
Set began to the whine and sprang to the feet.
– What? – foolishly I asked him.
not turn no attention on me, began to the run to the trees, and specifying a nose westward began slightly to whine.
– It those other, Set? – I demanded. – On the field?
He looked at me and whined one time, and again will turn a nose westward. His ears were pinned against a head, and he whined again.
– Why was I such fool?
That did I think itself, when did send Edvarda? How can I now know that takes a place there? I do not talk like wolf.
The cold trickle of fear
ran back for me on the back. And that, if was not time already? That if did Edvard and Dzheykob walk up too close? What if will Edvard decide to join in with a battle?
An icy cold was filled
by my stomach. And that, if does experiencing of Seta have nothing in common with the field, and his squeal was a denial? That if does Dzheykob and Edvard battle with each other, somewhere far in-field? In fact they will not do it, true?
Clear and with a cold
confidence I understood that will be done – if all is said it will be not so as it is needed. I reminisced tense squabble early today in a tent, and reflected, if ? I did not interfere, as far as they are near were to the fight.
If I lost them both, this would be my guilt.
A cold forged my heart.
Before to lose
consciousness from fear, Set roared slightly, a sound went from the depth of his breast, and developing went into the place. It quieted me, but I razozlilas'. Could, even to scratch claws message on earth.
I sweat under all of the clothes. I threw down a jacket in a tent, and headed for a little passage-way between trees.
Set jumped up, wool on
withers had got up on end. I looked around, but saw nothing. If Set will not explain what is the matter, I will throw a cone in him.
He began to the roar, low warning roar, he sneaked to the western edge, and I remembered the irritation again.
it is simply we, Set, – Dzheykob answered.
endeavoured to understand why my heart began to the beat so quickly, when I heard his voice. It whether was fear, because coming me to say him. I could not take the liberty to be glad that he returned. It only would prevent me.
Edvard appeared first,
he had a kind quiet and indifferent. When he came forward from shade, a sun was reflected from his skin, similarly as from snow. Set was sent poprivetstvovat' him, looking straight in eyes. Edvard slightly nodded, and his forehead frowned tensely.
– Yes, that is all, that
needs us, – he to itself mumbled, before to answer a large wolf. – does not think that it follows us to be surprised. But time already quite close. Please, ask Sam that Alice specified a time-table.
Set, dropped a head
nodding, at this juncture and I wanted to be able to growl. Certainly, now, appeared he is able to nod. I turned, infuriated and considered, what Dzheykob here.
He stood the back to me, looked aside, from where came. I waited with a carefulness, when he will turn around to me.
it is Bella, – Edvard, unexpectedly appearing alongside pronounced. He looked at me eyes complete anxieties. His magnanimity did not know scopes. I did not deserve him, especially after today's acts.
– there Are
complications, – he said, carefully picking up words, whatever to
scare me. – I will step back with Setom a little rather, and we with him will make an effort all to find out. I will suffice far, and will not eavesdrop you. I know, you do not want an audience, not important, that you will decide.
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