– A bit constrainedly.
Doctor Dog-tooth is not sure, how many I need anaesthetic, so that, operates the method of tests and errors. Think, that he gave me too much.
– But now you do not suffer from pain.
– No, from wounds I do not experience pain, – he said again with a jeer smiling.
I got a bite lip. I will not survive. Why did nobody put to death me, then, when I wanted to die?
A wicked humour abandoned his person, and his eyes potepleli. Wrinkles oozed on a forehead, as though he experienced from something.
– But as you? – he asked, concerned. are you all right?
it is I? – I was covered on him. Can for him and true peredoz.
– Why?
– Well, I mean that he,
certainly, nothing would do you, but I was not sure, as far as all will be badly. Since I woke up from a mind went down, experiencing for you. I did not know, he will allow to you pridti or not. Expectation was terrible. How did all pass? Was he angered on you? I am sorry, if all was badly. I did not want, that you had to get through it to one. I thought that will be there.
I may need a minute, to consider, what he talked about. And he all stirred, and looked more and more blundering, while to me did not reach, what he talked about. Then I made a haste quiet him.
– No, it is not, Jake! I all right. Too in an order, true. Certainly, he was not angered. It would be desirable.
His eyes broadened, seems from horror.
– THAT?
– He was not even angered on me, even on you he was not wicked! He is such unselfish, and I feel yet worse from it. Better he shouted at on me. Not, that I did not deserve it. well, I deserved worst punishment, what simply scream. But all of it does not fluster him. He simply wants, that I was happy.
– was not He angered? – Dzheykob asked again, surprised.
– No. He was. too kind.
Dzheykob simply looked a next minute at me, and then pomrachnel sharply.
– Clear, curse! – he roared.
– That
happened, Jake! Very you? – I did not know where to put the hands, and began to search his medicine.
– No, – he growled with disgust. – can not trust! Did not he offer to you an ultimatum or yet anything in such family?
– Nothing like, and that with you such?
He
frowned and rocked a head. it is I as though as, hoped that he would react differently. Devil tear to pieces him. He is slyer, than I thought.
Because he
said it, a true is far more wicked, he reminded me the words of Edvarda, early today in a tent, about absence of ethics at Dzheykoba. That meant that Jake had hoped still, battled still. I gave a start from this deep blow.
– He plays no games, Jake, – I said quietly.
– Argue, that exactly it
and he does. He plays similarly furiously as well as I, only he knows exactly, that does, and I it is not. Not blame me, that he is the best manipulator what I, I do not have such vital experience as for him, to learn such pieces.
– He does not manipulate by me!
–
Manipulates! When will you, finally, wake up and will understand that he is not such ideal what you him imagine itself?
– He, at least, does not
frighten me that will go and will put to death itself, that I kissed him, – I beat back back. As soon as these words took off for me, I was awfully distressed. – Feet. Pretend to be, that it was not. I swear, that going nothing such to talk.
He breathed deeply. When
he began to speak, he had been more quiet. – Why is not it?
– Because I did not come here after, to accuse you.
– Although it and true, – he said simply. – I acted just like this.
– however me, Jake. I am not angered.
He smiled. – also however me. I know that you will forgive me, and I am glad that did it. Eventually, I did even one. I compelled you to see that you love me. It something and stands.
– True? Would not it be better, that I did not know still?
– do not you think, what
deserve to know, what you feel, simply in order that some time then it was not knocked down on you, when already it will be too late, and you will become married vampirshey?
I rocked a head. – No. I do not talk that it is better for me. I want to say that it would be better for you. Really does it change something, to know that I love you? It however on anything influenced. Would not it be you it is simpler, if I so did not realize it?
He similarly reacted seriously toward to this question, as well as I, and thought over every word, before to answer:
– Yes, better that you knew. – he decided finally. – If you did not know. I always doubted, and suddenly you would change the decision. I know now. I did everything that could. – his breathing was hammered together and he covered eyes.
I did
not oppose this bout – I simply could not oppose –. I crossed a little room and went down on knees at his head of a bed, being afraid to sit down on a bed, not to push it and by chance not to cause him pain, and stretched touching a forehead to his cheek.
Dzheykob breathed, and put the hand to me on hairs.
– so it is sorry me, Jake.
– I always knew that want too much. It is not your guilt, Bella.
– And not your, – I moaned. – Please.
He
was moved aside from me, to give a glance on me. – That?
it is my guilt. And so awfully me to tell that I here at anything.
He smiled. Eyes did not smile. – do you want, that I cursed out you?
– In general that. think, that yes.
He
pursed one's lips, meditating, as far as I it is serious said. A smile quickly flashed by on his face, and replaced a sullen mask.
– So to kiss me in
reply, it was inexcusable. – he spit out words as if. – If you knew that nothing would be between you and me, possibly, it did not follow you to be such convincing.
I gave a start and nodded. – I am sorry me.
– «I am sorry me» will correct nothing, Bella. What did you think about?
– I did not think, – I whispered.
– Better you sent me on death. In fact you wanted it.
– No, Dzheykob, – I sobbed, battling with tears. – No! Never.
– do not you cry in fact? – he asked, his voice suddenly again became ordinary. He was impatiently turned on a bed.
– Yes, – I mumbled, poorly smiling to itself, through suddenly gushing tears.
He moved, stepped a
healthy leg on the floor, as if going to get up.
– What do you do? – I asked through tears. – Lie, fool, you will do worse to itself! – I jumped up on feet and pinned two hands his healthy shoulder.
He surrendered,
strangling from pain leaned back back, but obkhvatil me for a waist and put on a bed, pinning against the healthy half. I convolved near him, trying to quiet the foolish sobbing, hiding a face in his hot skin.
– can not trust that you cry, – he said of. – you know in fact, I talked all of it, only because you wanted it to hear. I not really. – his hand petted my shoulders.
– I know. it is I deeply and breathed exactly, trying to calm down. How so did it turn out, what I paid, and he calms me?
it is All of a true. Thank you, that said everything aloud.
– did I get marks for that compelled you to burst into tears?
– Certainly, Jake. – I made an effort smile. – So much pleasingly marks.
it is Bella, nice, not experience, all will be shaken down.
– does not see as, – I muttered.
He patted me on a top. – I surrender and will behave well.
it is the Next game? – I took interest, lifting a chin, to look in his person.
– Maybe. it is he it is
slightly strained began to the laugh, and then gave a start. – But I will make an effort.
I pomrachnela.
– be not a pessimist, – he complained. – Make abatement me.
– What do you imply under – will «be good»?
– I will be your other, Bella, – he said quietly, – I will not require more nothing.
– Dumayu, for friendship already late, Jake. How can we be friends, when we love each other so?
He vperil the
tense look in ceiling, as if there was something it is written. And pronounced:
– Can. it will be friendship at long range.
I squeezed teeth, well,
that he does not see my person, I smothered sobbing which again going to break through. I need it was to be strong, and I did not know from where me to take forces.
– does Know, that parable from Bible? – Dzheykob asked suddenly, still covered upwards and studying ceiling. – That, about a tsar and two women, dividing a child?
– Certainly. Tsar Solomon.
–
Exactly. Tsar Solomon, – he repeated. – And he commanded, to cut a child in half. but it was just test. Simply in an order to see, who will leave off to divide, to protect a child.
– Yes, I remember.
He again looked at me. – I will not begin anymore to cut you in half, Bella.
I understood that he had wanted to say. He talked that loved me most, and that he surrenders, to prove it. I wanted to protect Edvarda, say Dzheykobu, that Edvard would do same also, if I wanted, if I allowed him. I did not want to renounce him. But there was not sense, to begin to argue, it only Dzheykoba scotches yet more.
I closed eyes, I would like to be able to control pain. I could not cause him such sufferings.
We were
quiet some time. He, seems, waited, that I would say something, and I reflected, that exactly to say him.
– is it Possible I will tell that for me most terrible? – hesitating he asked, when I so nothing and did not say. are you not against? I will be pain'koy.
– And will it help? – I whispered.
– Maybe. Will not harm, exactly.
– Well, then that most terrible?
– Awfully to know how all would be.
– As would be, – I breathed.
– No. – Dzheykob negatively rocked a head. – I ideally befit you, Bella. All would be easily comfortably to us, and simply as breathing. This would be usual life. – he looked somewhere in space some time, and I waited. – If the world was normal, if there were not here monsters and magic.
I saw
what he talked about, and I knew that he had been rights. If the world was normal, as well as it must be, Dzheykob and I would be together. And we would be happy. He was my half in the that world – would be and in this world, if he was covered by nothing prepotent, so strong, that could not exist in the rational world.
Was there such and for Dzheykoba? Something, that will beat a trump the half of his soul? I must trust that is.
Two possible variants of
the future, two family souls. too much for one man. And that most dishonest, that not only I one will for it disburse. Pain of Dzheykoba was a too large price. Giving a start from an idea about this price, I reflected, I would drognula, if already once did not lose Edvarda. If I did not know how it to live without him. I was not sure. Memory about it was deeply part me, I could not present how I will feel without it.
it is He as if a drug for you, Bella. – his voice still was soft, he did not criticize. – I understand now, that you can not live without him. Already too late. But I would be healthier for you. Not drug. I would become your air, your sun.
The corner of my lips rose in thoughtful a floor-smile.
– Know, I just like this about you and thought. As about a sun. My own sun. you dispersed all of clouds above me.
He breathed. – With clouds I will manage. But can not battle with an eclipse.
I touched to his person, pinning the palm against his cheek. He breathed out from my touch and closed eyes. Quiet. I could hear the slow and even his heart beating.
– Say me, that most terrible for you, – he whispered.
it is not very much a good idea.
– Please.
– I think, it will be very from it.
– Please.
How could I him say no?
– most
terrible. – I began to hesitate, and then words broke forth the stream of true. – most terrible, that I saw everything, all of our with you life. And I very want it, Jake, want that all just like this and it was. I want to remain here and nowhere to depart. I want to love you and do you happy. And I do not can, it simply kills me. As Sam and Emili, Jake – I never had a choice. I always knew that nothing would change. Maybe, that is why I so hotshot resisted you.
He may need make an effort above itself, to breathe exactly.
– I knew, it is not needed it was to tell you all of it.
He slowly rocked a head.
– No. I am glad that you told. Thank you. – he kissed me in a top, and then breathed. – I will be good.
I looked at him, and he smiled.
– So going you marry, yes?
– We
do not need it to discuss.
– I would like to know some details. I do not know when again able with you to meet.
I may need a minute, to nerve oneself and begin to speak. When I was almost sure that my voice not drognet, I answered:
it is not my idea. but, yes. It much means for him. Did I think, why no?
Jake nodded. it is a true. Not such it and important event, on comparison.
His voice was very
quiet, very practical. I looked at him, being curious, as it succeeded him, and pranged everything. He met my look to the second, and turned away. I waited while his breathing to calm down, before to begin to speak again:
– Yes. On comparison, – I consented.
– How
many did it remain you to time?
– All depends on that,
how many may need time of Alice, to organize wedding, – I crushed down a moan, imagining that will arrange Alice.
– To or after? – he asked quietly.
I understood, what he talked about.
– After.
He nodded. It quieted him. I was thoughtful, how many sleepless nights he conducted, expecting my exhaust.
– are afraid you? – he whispered.
– Yes, – whispered in reply I.
– What are afraid of you? – now I heard his voice hardly. He looked downward at my hands.
– A lot of What. – I
tried, that my voice sounded easier, but I remained honest. – I am a not masochist, so that pain frightens me. And it would be desirable, that he was from me a little rather at this juncture – does not want, that he suffered together with me, but does not think that will turn out so. Yet, experience, as be with Charley and Rene.
And the latest, I hope that will learn to control itself as quick as possible.
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