twilight 3

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59	Stefani Mayer

    If it came to spoil me a mood, etou was given it. I began to the laugh. A laughter gave oneself up strange pain inwardly.
    – Khvatit to snort and pay attention, – it roared.
    – If will I pretend, that listen you, you will go away? – I asked, looking on its always wicked person. I am not sure that now it some time was other.
    I remembered how thought before, that Lea pretty, can even beautiful. It was very long ago. Now nobody anymore does not think so about it. Except for Sam. He will never forgive itself. As though it is his guilt, that it grew into a spiteful harpy.
    It became all more wicked, guessed as if, what I think about. Guessed probably.
    – me nauseous from it, Dzheykob. Can you present which to me? I even dislike Bella Svon. And you compel me to grieve about this lover of blood-suckers, as if I love it also. Do you know why does all of it a bit embarrass me? Yesterday at night dreamed me, that I was kissed with it! And that to me, devil poderi, with it to do?
    – And to me that to your experiencing?
    – I can not anymore hear your ideas! Forget about it! It marries after this creature. And he will make an attempt change it in one of them! Boy, it is time to move farther.
    – Stopped up, – I growled.
    To answer it by a blow it was wrong on a blow. I knew it, and kept one's mouth shut itself. But now it pozhaleet exactly, if will not go away at short notice.
    – However, probably, he will put to death it, – Lea said mockingly. – All of histories tell that they kill more frequent, than change. So, I would name it funerals, but not wedding. Kha.
    This bout I had to be strained. I closed eyes and contested with hot by taste in to the mouth. I made an effort push off from a fire hurrying on the back, try to keep form, while my body all in a tremble tried to be torn in half.
    When I controlled itself again, I fiercely looked at it. It looked at my hands, when drozh was quieted. It was funny it.
    Cracked a joke.
    – If so hardness you from a sexual difference, Lea. – I said. Slowly, selecting every word. – As do you think us other like to look at Sam by your eyes? Badly already that Emili has to bear with your fixed idea. It does not need us also, fellows, carnally puffing after his back.
    Though I and was wicked, I felt the prick of conscience however, when saw as a spasm of pain warped her face.
    It sprang to the feet – stopped only to spit in my side – and escaped toward trees, vibrating as a tuning fork.
    I began to the laugh darkly: – I will on you miss.
    Sam will bawl me for it, but it that costed. Lea no longer will bite. And I once again will repeat it the same, if there will be possibility.
    Because its words were still here, embedding in my brain, it was so very me, that I breathed hardly.
    Not important, that Bella chosen somebody else, but not me. It is nonsense, as compared to other pain. With this pain I can live remain of the ridiculous, to too long, stretched life.
    Important there was that it gave up everything, that it will allow the heart to stop, to grow the skin into ice, and to regenerate reason in some brain of predator. Monster. Stranger.
    I thought that can be nothing worse than it, nothing more painful.
    But, if he will put to death it.
    Again I must was battle with the fury. Possibly, if it were not for Lea, I would change in creation which will manage with it better. Creation, whose instincts are much stronger than human emotions. Animal, not passible pain as persons. Other pain. Though some variety. But Lea escaped, and I did not want to divide its idea. I quietly swore it in track.
    Regardless of my desires, my hands trembled. That did compel them to tremble? Malice? Sufferings? I was not sure, what I battle with.
    I must trust that Bella will survive. But it required a trust – trust which I did not want to feel, faith that a vampire bat is able to leave it in living.
    It will be other, interestingly as it will act on me. Will there be this identical feeling, if it will die, and if I will see its standing to me as there is a stone? How is a piece of ice? When its smell will burn in my nostrils and include instinct to tear and destroy. How will it be? Do I can to want to put to death it? Do I can not to want to put to death one of them?
    I looked as waves run into a bank. They vanished from sight under the edge of rock, but I heard as they broke against sand. I looked on them till late at night, and yet long since stemnelo.
    To go home was a bad idea. But I was hungry, and I could think of nothing other.
    I squirmed an ugly face, when stuck a hand through a hyposthenic loop and grasped the crutches. Unless Charley saw me in that day and did not hear the words of my «failure». Ridiculous essential element. I hated them.
    Better it was me to remain hungry, I understood, when entered in a house and looked at a papino person. He had something on a mind. Easily it was to understand it – he liked to exaggerate. Pretended to be, that all as usual.
    And yet, began to talk too much. Something about those times, when I on foot walked under a table. About it he always stirred, when did not want something to tell. I took no the notice, tried as could, concentrated on a meal. Tried prozhevat' it quick.
    –. and Sue got in today. – a dad talked loudly. Hardness it was to ignore him. As usual. it is the Surprising woman. It is steeper than grizzly. Does not know although, how it is managed with the daughter. From Sue a good wolf would turn out devilish, and Lea anymore brushes off on rassomakhu. – he began to the laugh above the joke.
    A bit waited my answer, not noticing my otsutstvuyuschiy, bored kind. Usually it irritated him. I would like, that he left off to stir about Lea. I tried not to think about it.
    – With Setom all is far simpler. Certainly, and with you all was simpler, than with your sisters, while. all right, for you and so there are more than for them problems.
    I breathed, long and deeply, and covered in a window.
    Billy suppressed too for a long time.
    – We got a letter today.
    I understood at once, that exactly this theme he and avoided.
    it is Letter?
    it is Invitation. on wedding.
    Every muscle in my body was strained. The wave of heat ran back on the back. I seized in a table, that hands did not tremble.
    Billy continued, pretending, that noticed nothing:
    – Inwardly message, addressed you. I did not read it.
    He drew out from there, where he was stopped up, between his leg and bokovinoy of arm-chair, thin, colors of ivory, envelope. Laid him on a table, between you and me.
    – to you, probably, it is not necessary to read him. Not important, that is written there.
    Also to me, psychologist. I pulled off an envelope from a table.
    This was a heavy, dense paper. Dear. Too refined for Forks. A postal inwardly also was fanciful and formal. Bella is here at anything. In layers, transparent with the printed phototypograph pages were nothing in its taste. Ready to argue, that they in general did not please it. I did not read words, did not even look a date. It was however me.
    There was a piece of thin paper of built in half, with my name written in on one side black inks from a hand. I did not know podcherk, but he was takoy-zhe not of this the place, as well as all of other. Half seconds, I reflected, really a vampire bat decided pozloradstvovat'.
    I opened out a sheet:
    
    Dzheykob,
    I break a rule, sending you it. It was afraid to do you very, and did not want, that you nowise did not feel obliged. But, I know, if all went differently, I would like to have a choice.
    Dzheykob, I promise, that will look after about it. Thank you to you, for it and for everything.
    Edvard
    
    it is Jake, for us only one table, – Billy noticed. He looked at my left arm.
    My fingers stuck in a tree so, that to the table, indeed, a danger threatened. I released them in sequence, wholly concentrated on this action, and squeezed both palms together, to break more nothing.
    – And, however, – mumbled Billy.
    I went out from a table, getting up took off a sport shirt. I hope that Lea already reached home.
    – not zagulivay till late at night, – said of Billy, when I kicked an entrance door.
    I hurried to the trees, my clothes are scattered after me as track from crumbs – as if I wanted to find a way back. Now it was so simply to change a form. I do not need to think. My body knew already, where I go, and gave me that I wanted.
    I had four legs and I almost flew.
    Trees grew into a black mirage flying by me. My muscles worked in a simple rhythm. I could hurry in such rate by days and not ustavat'. Maybe, I will not stop now.
    But I was not alone.
    – So it is sorry, – Embri whispered in my head.
    I could see him eyes. He was far in the north, but developed and jerked to join in with me. I roared and added speeds.
    – Wait us, – Kvil ached. He was nearer, just tumbled out of settlement.
    – Leave me one, – I snarled.
    I felt their anxiety, and endeavoured with might and main to sink him in the sound of wind and forest. Here that I hated most – to see itself their eyes, it was only worse, that their eyes were full pity. They saw a hatred, but continued to hurry after me.
    New voice began to the sound in my head.
    – Leave him. – softly thought Sam, but it however there was an order. Embri and Kvil passed to the step.
    If I only could leave off to hear and see that is heard and see they. My head was a meatball filled people, to remain one – means to accept a man look, but then pain became incredible.
    – Change, – Sam ordered them. – Embri, I will pick up you.
    At first one, then second consciousness went away in a quiet. There is only Sam.
    – Thank you – able to think I.
    – Return home, when able – words were weak, they disappeared in black emptiness, when and he went away. I was one.
    As well. Now I heard the weak rustle of abscissed foliage under claws, rustle of owl wings above a head, ocean – far away westering is a surf at a beach. Only it, and more nothing. Felt nothing, except for speed, only tension of muscles, tendons and bones, workings together in harmony, while I reserved kilometres.
    If silence proceeded in my head, I would never change in a man. I would not be the first, who chosen such form. Maybe, if I will escape far enough, I never again will have to hear them.
    I gathered speed, allowing Dzheykobu Bleku to disappear after me.
    End.